.hit.

.then: 1991.

.now.

Today Cean and I celebrate 21 years together.

Valentine's Day 1991 marked our first kiss, our first exchange of Valentine's cards and the beginning of the rest of our lives. Little did I know then, at the tender age of 17 going on 18, that I would be sitting here two decades later looking back at all of the life we have already lived.

I have never been a romantic. Even in those photos above, I was fighting it.  Always in self protection mode, I told myself that our being together did not make sense in any way. I was too young and too much of a bookworm.  We were on completely different planets,  with me about to start college and him nine years older and quite a lot of living already under his belt. I was inexperienced and lacking in self confidence. He was...the exact opposite.

But he saw something in me and wouldn't let go.

He said that I made him want to be a better person. 

He brought me to life in a way that nothing and no one ever had.

He won me over.

Looking back, I don't think that my heart ever stood a chance.

And here we are, so many years later. He still tells me how much he loves me and how proud he is of me. He still puts up with my closed-off and difficult ways. He still believes in me and he still compliments me.

He has always seen something in me that I don't see in myself and for that, I will forever be grateful.

***********

Last night, as Cean was making a special dinner for the three of us, his IPod on shuffle in the background, this song came on. I immediately started dancing in the kitchen, which led to both the boy and Cean joining in. As the three of us got our groove on, I had the thought that this song perfectly describes how I felt in the beginning.

We loved this band  back in the day, and it was one of the concerts we went to during our first year together.

And so I share it with you today.

"Hit" by the Sugarcubes

May all of you feel love and contentment today....and everyday.

.music monday: madonna.

In honor of her fabulous half time show yesterday and my general love for her......this is my favorite song from her last album.

"Beat Goes On" by Madonna (feat. Kayne West)

Wishing you a peaceful week.

.ella and the color of the sky.

This morning while sitting at my desk, I glanced outside and realized that the sky was blue, bright blue.

And then “Blue Skies” started playing in my head.

And then I found “Blue Skies” on YouTube and proceeded to listen to Ella belt it out.

And then I chuckled out loud.

And then the chuckle turned into some odd combination of chuckle and tears.

And then I decided that I truly must be losing my mind.

You see, just last night I had one of my legendary melt downs. A small few things set me off and there was no going back after I shut the bathroom door in my husband’s face. I spent the evening alone and quiet on the outside. I was raging on the inside.

As is customary these days, I stayed up too late in an effort to make myself so tired that I would actually fall asleep when I close my eyes. As I prepared to do so, I knew without even trying that it would be a Futile effort. Instead, I retrieved my journal and a pen from my office and preceded to power scribble four pages of stuff.

That’s not entirely true, it was not just stuff.  It was about my frustration over the fact that I feel like my body is failing me in numerous ways. It was about the fact that I am going on weeks of not sleeping properly and how that is affecting me. It was the realization that all the internalizing that I do and the months of stress and anxiety is now breaking me physically.

It was all gray, very very gray.

So you see the irony of this whole “Blue Skies” phenomenon this morning and why it caused me to simultaneously chuckled and shed tears. It was like some force dropped it in my lap and challenged me to acknowledge the blue instead of the gray.

Mission accomplished, I think. I did notice it and as a result am now writing about it, but I am not entirely sure what to do with it.

I am thinking that I need to do something with it, but honestly, I am too fatigued to take it much further than sharing it here.

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So here we are with yet more music.  Apparently, that is just how this space rolls these days.

You will enjoy this because it is Ella, and it is snappy, and who doesn’t love “Blue Skies” even if they are only within a tiny little protective bubble that is surrounded by gray.

(nods head)

“Blue Skies” by Ella Fitzgerald

.music monday.

Welcome to a new week. As per usual, the weekend was a busy one, but also full of  fun.

FUN!

Yes, I said it again, because it is often lacking in these parts.

On Saturday, the boys and I went to the Portland International Car Show and had a fabulous time. It has been years since I have been to a proper car show. Back in the day, I went to Los Angeles International Car show every year. I love cars. A lot. I believe that if money was no object, I would have many.

Sunday, the boy and I ran errands. We were all over the place, but we got a lot done and we found a few treasures.

And then poof, the weekend had come to a close. The weekends, they don't last nearly long enough.

I think that I might have woken up on the wrong side of the bed this morning, as, despite the good weekend, I am a bit on the grouchy side of things today. It may also be because being grouchy on a Monday is just plain normal.

I'll leave it at that, as any further words will just end up being a disjointed rambling mess.

Today's song: "Crystal" by New Order

.friday groove.

I do not have many words today, as I am stupid tired. I have not been sleeping properly for weeks and it is now starting to negatively affect me.

Today's song is perfect for two reasons. First, it is about lack of sleep and second it is one of my all time favorite songs....ever.

Wishing you a weekend full of R&R.

"Insomnia" by Faithless (a live version)

.music monday.

Mill and I loved this song back in the day...and we loved LL Cool J too.

LL Cool J: "Around the Way Girl"

.friday groove + mill is coming.

.august 2011.

Happy Friday! I have a very good reason to celebrate today, as tomorrow morning Mill arrives bright and earlier at PDX Airport for a long weekend. This will be the second time in 5 months that she is able to come and visit, which to my mind is miraculous. :-)

In honor of her visit, today's Friday Groove is a fun little song that we used to adore back in the day.

"Groove is in the Heart" by Deee-Lite:

"Sing it, baby!"

.reminders.

I read something the other day that really affected me, not because it has anything to do with me personally, but because it could be me. I recognized too much of it. That simultaneously scared and saddened me.

I take away the following two points from both reading what I did and understanding my reaction to it.

Number One: Too often in life, we are so busy just trying to keep everything together that we don’t realize when something is already broken. The repercussions of that can be devastating.

Number Two: We have absolutely no idea what goes on in other people’s lives. We might think we do based on what we witness, but we know nothing. Assumptions are bad things. We should avoid them at all costs.

I am not going to say anything further other than to reiterate that the above two realizations are important for each and every one of us as we navigate through our own lives.

.music monday.

.skyline snow.

Snow in the forecast is an event around these parts. There is always great anticipation, followed by a "will it or won't it." This weekend it sort of didn't if you were on the "valley floor." Oh, we saw some flakes yesterday morning, but nothing stuck and it was the usual disappointment we feel when we have been waiting for the white stuff for three days and then receive a whole lot of nothing. There is still a chance of snow in the forecast for the next few days, but at this point, my anticipation has whittled down to nothing.

All was not lost though, as my Dad offered to pick the boy and me up so that we could go to breakfast with my parents and then take a drive to where there would be actual white stuff.  We enjoyed some falling snow during breakfast and then we drove up to Skyline Drive, which runs along the West Hills and saw both big flakes falling as well as actual snow on the ground. That is where the above picture was taken.

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If you live in Southern California, you might be familiar with KCRW, the public radio station out of Santa Monica College.  We used to listen to this station constantly, and we discovered some really fantastic music as a result. That is where we first heard Richard Ashcroft's music when he went solo, today's song included. This reminds me that I really should start listening to this station online, because I am sure I am missing out on a myriad of fabulous new music.

Richard Ashcroft: "New York"

.friday groove + tower records.

I miss Tower Records.

Not only do I miss the store, but I miss what going into a Tower Records (or any record store, for that matter) represented. I miss the ritual of spending time flipping through albums and then later CD’s. I miss searching for the next favorite dance track. I miss discovering that track as well as the thrill of finding something beloved that I had forgotten about. I miss the record store atmosphere.

My first crystal clear memory of Tower Records is going to the famed Sunset Strip location with my parents. On that trip, I purchased the 12” of Bryan Ferry’s "Kiss and Tell." (I also remember my Dad taking me to Licorice Pizza to buy the album that single came off of, "Bête Noire") After I found that 12” single, I walked around that big one story record store with it clutched to my chest, excited not only with my treasure, but also with being there. That was in 1987.

I also spent a lot of time in the Woodland Hills Tower Records throughout the 1990’s. I worked not far from there, and I would often stop in the store that was on Topanga Canyon Blvd on my way home. I spent many an evening wandering through the aisles and discovering new favorite songs at the listening stations. I bought a lot of CD’s and CD singles there. I also remember buying Cean a few Thelonius Monk CD’s that I found in their Jazz room for one of his birthdays. To this day, there are certain CD’s that remind me of that store.

My last memory, and the last time I was ever in a Tower Records store was in San Francisco in 2004. Today’s Friday Groove is the gem of a song that I discovered at a listening station in the sizable dance/electronic section that day. I also purchased Olive’s second CD.

It took me longer than most to embrace digital music. I just could not wrap my head around it. It seemed wrong. These days, I can count on one hand the number of actual CD’s that we purchase in a year. When there is a new album that we must have on CD, Cean drives over to Music Millennium. When there is an old album that I cannot purchase digitally, I usually purchase a used copy on Amazon.

The record store is an era gone by.

“I Need Your Love” by The Rapture: